I am imagining the key players in our lives as faces in a deck of playing cards- Karmic face cards. All the players essential to the game of life are there- token villains, benevolent healers, dear friends. When we look a bit deeper, we see all the archetypes & aspects intrinsic to our wholeness staring right back at us. There they are, there we are, all together now. Ah, we were on the same team after all..
- Jeff Brown
As I review my marriage and commitment to my ex-husband over a ten year period, I can't be regretful. I am maybe too proud to feel that I chose the wrong man to be committed to. I really feel that in the end it was something I had to do. The commitment was something I was unsure I could do as I entered this relationship. As I look back now it was something I had to experience. When we choose a partner are we really doing anything other than picking someone to reflect off of. I mean I know my husband has his own whirlwind of issues and emotional weaknesses and strengths, but did I learn anything about myself along the way? Yes. Did he help me do this? Yes.
I can't help to feel a connection to my now ex-husband. Don't get me wrong I do not want to associate with him any longer. We probably went past our allotted time together and when couples do that things can get ugly. I don't feel a deep resentment toward him. I think we both should of awoken sooner to the idea that things were not working out. We struggled to keep it going and ended up ruining a lot of things in our lives. I feel worse for him, as he has a lot of guilt and so he did things that he might feel guilty for. I was already emotionally gone by the time I found out that he had done things that weren't right.
I am a little dismayed at my indifferent reaction to the ending of our relationship. I think I become so aloof. This could be a defense mechanism because if you let it, the drama can bleed you dry. It is similar to vampires as I call them, they don't suck blood, but they take all of your energy. After you deal with them you feel empty or depleted.
I think there were two paths that I could of traveled down. The one where I waited for some pie in the sky partner or I could take a risk. It was a risky adventure with my ex-husband. I dealt with things that were maybe not what I deserved, but who am I to know in this limited space and time, what other kinds of behavior I am dishing out in other space and times. The lesson is to side-step the so-called drama. Release that emotional bond, let it all go and know that you played your cards the best that you could. I have to say that I did give it my best. Should I beat myself up because I don't have a marriage that lasted 35 to 60 years, no I will not do that. Do I hate the man that I was committed to for ten years of my life? No I won't do that. I just don't have it in me. (I mean the energy it would take it too exhausting)
I put this on my Initiation Blog because it was a sort of test and a needed path for me. I am not going to pretend I know what the hand of god is or wants, but I do feel its grace. I believe that I am connected to a great Source, and I would not be led astray. I would not be forsaken , to be left in a senseless path without a lesson I must learn. I had to meet my husband and do the game. I lost in the eyes of the world, but the inner me found many attributes. I have grown. If you can play the part and reflect with compassion and love in the end, then your initiation will be that treasure that the hero always seeks. Life is one initiation after the other. It may wear many masks but we are down in it. This school of life is in session so study hard, use your talents and be gentle with yourself. If you are here you are grace itself a hero already.
- Jeff Brown
As I review my marriage and commitment to my ex-husband over a ten year period, I can't be regretful. I am maybe too proud to feel that I chose the wrong man to be committed to. I really feel that in the end it was something I had to do. The commitment was something I was unsure I could do as I entered this relationship. As I look back now it was something I had to experience. When we choose a partner are we really doing anything other than picking someone to reflect off of. I mean I know my husband has his own whirlwind of issues and emotional weaknesses and strengths, but did I learn anything about myself along the way? Yes. Did he help me do this? Yes.
I can't help to feel a connection to my now ex-husband. Don't get me wrong I do not want to associate with him any longer. We probably went past our allotted time together and when couples do that things can get ugly. I don't feel a deep resentment toward him. I think we both should of awoken sooner to the idea that things were not working out. We struggled to keep it going and ended up ruining a lot of things in our lives. I feel worse for him, as he has a lot of guilt and so he did things that he might feel guilty for. I was already emotionally gone by the time I found out that he had done things that weren't right.
I am a little dismayed at my indifferent reaction to the ending of our relationship. I think I become so aloof. This could be a defense mechanism because if you let it, the drama can bleed you dry. It is similar to vampires as I call them, they don't suck blood, but they take all of your energy. After you deal with them you feel empty or depleted.
I think there were two paths that I could of traveled down. The one where I waited for some pie in the sky partner or I could take a risk. It was a risky adventure with my ex-husband. I dealt with things that were maybe not what I deserved, but who am I to know in this limited space and time, what other kinds of behavior I am dishing out in other space and times. The lesson is to side-step the so-called drama. Release that emotional bond, let it all go and know that you played your cards the best that you could. I have to say that I did give it my best. Should I beat myself up because I don't have a marriage that lasted 35 to 60 years, no I will not do that. Do I hate the man that I was committed to for ten years of my life? No I won't do that. I just don't have it in me. (I mean the energy it would take it too exhausting)
I put this on my Initiation Blog because it was a sort of test and a needed path for me. I am not going to pretend I know what the hand of god is or wants, but I do feel its grace. I believe that I am connected to a great Source, and I would not be led astray. I would not be forsaken , to be left in a senseless path without a lesson I must learn. I had to meet my husband and do the game. I lost in the eyes of the world, but the inner me found many attributes. I have grown. If you can play the part and reflect with compassion and love in the end, then your initiation will be that treasure that the hero always seeks. Life is one initiation after the other. It may wear many masks but we are down in it. This school of life is in session so study hard, use your talents and be gentle with yourself. If you are here you are grace itself a hero already.
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